Thursday, December 20, 2012

The Atheist Closet

I'm a big fan of the Out Campaign promoted by evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins.  The campaign urges atheists to publicly identify themselves in order to counter negative stereotypes about atheism, to help atheists locate each other, and to increase recognition of nonbelievers as a political force.  Still, I understand why many are reluctant.  One need only read the comments left after some of my posts to appreciate the disdain the word atheist brings forth. 

And yet, my recent activism has confirmed what I long suspected: there are dozens of other atheists (and agnostics) in my neck of the woods.  Unfortunately, only some of these people are willing to be open about their lack of belief in the supernatural.  The open ones I know are mostly under the age of thirty.

I don't have any particular ideas about the best way for someone to come out of the atheist closet.  I came out fairly gradually.  This fit my situation, because my transition from Catholic to atheist was a gradual one.  Yet it's clear to me that no matter how gradually one may arrive at atheism, the destination may come as a shock to many.

In the several years that my family has lived in our town, we've never been church-goers.  When someone would push the issue with me, I would simply say, "I'm (or we're) not religious."  But it's now clear to me that when I used the phrase "not religious," some people thought, "Oh--she prefers to get it straight from the bible," and others thought, "There's still hope." 

Revealing one's atheism to a religious parent is often an unavoidable part of the coming-out process.  I can say, from agonizing experience, that just because you haven't attended church in thirteen years and were observed reading The God Delusion on your last holiday visit doesn't mean your mother is necessarily prepared for the a-word.  But if you're lucky, after you've both cried a lot, she'll still love you and your kiddos anyway.

I came out as an atheist, to a few people at a time, because my own sense of integrity demanded it.  And I'm not very good at pretending.  I became even more out when I started blogging about atheism in June.  My reasons for the blog were many, but one was the mixed messages I felt I was sending my children.  On the one hand, I was telling them I was comfortable with my atheism; on the other, I was going too far out of my way to avoid discussing my unbelief with others.  I realized this when one of my children kept asking me if I was sure the First Amendment protected my statements that I didn't believe in God, and if it did, why I was so afraid to tell anyone outside our house.   Homeschool Atheist Momma Karen captures my thoughts perfectly when she says, "I'm fighting for atheist openness so my kids can take it for granted."

For readers considering coming out of the atheist closet--or for those who are simply interested in the different forms the process takes--I have stories for you.  Click on the links to read about:
Teresa MacBain, who was active as a Methodist minister when she came out at a national atheist convention;
Jerry DeWitt, a bible-belt pastor who accidentally outed himself with a Facebook photo;
Walter Petit, the president of Western Kentucky University's Secular Student Alliance, who came out to his mother while still a young teen;
Leanna, another Kentucky homeschooling mother who didn't want her children to think atheist was a dirty word.
I also welcome readers' own coming-out stories, as well as your thoughts about the Out Campaign.

8 comments:

  1. Hi Suzanne, thanks again for another great post.
    My process was also slow, I used to be Pentecostal in a town overrun with churches. I started backing away from the church when I was a teenager, especially once exposed to friends who practiced other religions. There were a lot of years of guilt and fear, thanks to the programming of church. And now I believe in science and fact, not stories. I sometimes think it must be easier for someone who has never believed in religion to be atheist than it is for someone who backed away from years of conditioning to break free and convert to reality. I'm not afraid to talk about it, but I don't walk around with a sign on my head either. Mainly because I don't want anyone walking around constantly proclaiming their beliefs. There is so much more to me than whether I do or don't practice a religion. I want to teach my child through example that you can be friends with all types of people, and that the friendship is based on common interests and not defined by religion, race, or status. :) Danica

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    1. Thanks for your insights, Danica. I agree that there is so much more to each of us than our religious belief or lack of belief. One of my dear friends, who is affiliated with a church, has said of my atheism, "It doesn't define you," and I feel the same way about her religious belief. We have many shared interests and similar ways of looking at the world, and we choose to focus on those.

      I have found it difficult, however, to become more than casually friendly with people whose worldview compels them to evangelize others. Even when I was a practicing Catholic, that wasn't something I saw as my duty.

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  2. I am incredibly proud to be one of your "examples", Suzanne. Gosh, I feel very moved...

    I am also honored to be friends with a woman, such as yourself, who is ethical, brave, wise, and OUT!

    Thank you for this "coming out" post.

    Karen

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    1. Karen, I am so grateful for your willingness to share your and your children's experiences with being out, both in the states and in Australia.

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  3. I have nominated your blog for a Liebster Award, an award for new-up-and-coming blogs. Please check out my blog post!
    You are one of my faves!

    http://taytayhser.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/the-liebster-award.html

    Karen

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  4. Hey Suzanne, I just stumbled across your blog. We are another atheist homeschooling family from Kentucky (not far from you in Bowling Green). We don't have much interaction with many other homeschoolers in the area due to our convictions. It is really nice to hear of others in the area. If bored, take a gander at our blog, which follows our adventures in homeschooling:
    http://www.kingdomoffife.blogspot.com/

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    1. Merkin--It's great to hear from another western Kentuckian! I really enjoyed looking over your blog. The reenactment project looks like an amazing experience.

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